Overstepping woman requests to use sister's peaceful home for a 'wellness retreat with friends' despite being constantly critical of her minimalist lifestyle: 'Her request comes with an underlying judgment'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Sep 22, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

Everyone goes about life in a different way. Some people prioritize work, always grinding, hustling, and looking for opportunities to advance. Some folks just work to live and put much more stock into other areas of their life. Some of us thrive in the bustling city, moving and shaking and running from place to place. Some of us require a slower pace and more time in nature. It's how the world goes round. If everyone was the same way, we'd get nothing done. 

But it's hard when those lifestyle and personality clashes arise in your own family. It can be hard to reserve judgment from someone you know so well. That's the clash a pair of sisters found themselves in when one of them, feeling burnt out and in need of rest, wanted to use the other's home to reset. The problem was, the same low-key lifestyle she was after she had also spent a lot of breath criticizing. Read on for the story.

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    Cheezburger Image 10406547200
    via Hristina Šatalova

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story

  • 02
    AITA for refusing to lend my sister my house for her "self- care retreat" after she constantly criticizes my lifestyle?
    via u/TechnicianNo8751
  • 03
    I (32M) own a small house in a quiet area where I often go to unwind. It's my sanctuary. My sister "Laura" (30F) has been going through a tough time and recently decided she wants to host a weekend "self-care retreat" for herself and her friends. She asked if she could use my house for it.
    via u/TechnicianNo8751
  • 04
    Here's the catch: Laura has always been critical of my choices-like my minimalistic lifestyle, lack of a "real job" (I freelance), and my decision to not settle down or have kids. While I understand she's struggling, I can't help but feel like her request comes with an underlying judgment about my life choices.
    via u/TechnicianNo8751
  • 05
    When I told her I'm not comfortable lending my space, she flipped out and accused me of being selfish and unsupportive. She claims that using my house would help her recharge, but I can't shake the feeling that she just wants to throw a party in my space.
    via u/TechnicianNo8751
  • 06
    Our family is divided-some say I should just let her use the house to help her mental health, while others agree that I shouldn't be pressured to lend it out. I feel guilty for saying no, but I also want to protect my personal space.
    via u/TechnicianNo8751
  • 07
    AITA for refusing to let my sister use my house for her retreat after her constant criticism of my lifestyle?
    via u/TechnicianNo8751
  • 08
    • Competitive_Cod_3843 6h ago NTA. She has no problem looking down on you until she wants something you have. Protect your serene space from her bad vibes. You could explain it to her if you think she could learn and grow, but you're not obligated to.
    via u/Competitive_Cod_3843
  • 09
    . Mysterious-Major6353 · 6h ago If it was for herself to relax and feel better, I'd say give it to help her recharge, but it seems she just wants to save the AirBnB money. Don't give it, especially since it's your bad traits that pay for this house. Tell her it will harm her recharching process because it is maintained with money from bad lifestyle choices.
    via u/Mysterious-Major6353
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    . cassowary32 • 5h ago NTA. It's your home not a vacation rental. I'm sure there are similar spaces she can rent for a retreat without displacing you or invading your space with strangers.
    via u/cassowary32
  • 11
    Odd-End-1405 • 5h ago . NTA This is why hotels, spas, AirBnB's, and VRBO's exist. To help people self care in a place not their home if that is their desire. She is just being cheap.
    via u/Odd-End-1405
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    Backgrounding-Cat · 6h ago Info: when was the last time she helped you? And what's the difference between her "retreat" and regular house party for friends? And why you are not invited to party at your house?
    via u/Backgrounding-Cat
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    • TeenySod 5h ago NTA, and don't even let her 'rent' it from you. As others have said "self care retreat for her and friends" = party. Fine, they can pay to host it elsewhere.
    via u/TeenySod
  • 14
    If any of your family don't understand that her criticism about your choices, whilst wanting to take advantage of what they have clearly earned you, is hypocritical, then their opinion doesn't count, hold your ground.
    via u/TeenySod
  • 15
    robopirateninjasaur • 5h ago NTA. Assuming you don't know her friends very well (or at all), you are never TA for telling people they can't bring strangers into your home.
    via u/robopirateninjasaur
  • 16
    ProfMG 6h ago . NTA it's your serene space and you don't have to share it, I do wonder though would she be willing to do something similar for you? Probably not
    via u/ProfMG
  • 17
    Amazing-Wave 4704 5h ago Please dont feel guilty. Even if she were the world's best sister, you still have the right to say No I'm not comfortable with it - and have that be the end of the discussion. Please stop asking other people what they think (except reddit of course!!) and if your relatives try to pass judgement on you, feel free to shut it down saying, im not discussing this any further.
    via u/Amazing-Wave4704
  • 18
    PS of COURSE she would use it for a party for her and her friends! That is her whole goal.
    via u/Amazing-Wave4704
  • 19
    Auntie Meridium • 5h ago NTA. Her opinions on your life choices aside, asking to use your home to host her friends, is overstepping to the extreme.
    via u/AuntieMeridium
  • 20
    If you feel compelled in any way to do this, or just want to push her for the fun of it, respond with a service contract, explaining your terms, deposit and detailed fees, including the cost for you to stay at a hotel, the cleaning service you'll have to hire after her event, down to the cost of a roll of TP, and utilities. That should change her tune very quickly.
    via u/AuntieMeridium

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lifestyle family drama aita child free drama sibling rivalry sisters siblings motherhood reddit story childless self care story family sibling sister reddit thread little sister Reddit
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